It's been a long time since I've done this blog. I missed the simplicity of writing here. Due to financial reasons and huge chunks of occupied time, I haven't jumped on this blog as much. But I guess it is part of growing up. Trying new ventures and being constantly curious. In terms of things going on in my life, here are the basic things going on in my life.
I transferred to a new college. I'm also graduating a year later due to this. But I'm happier for it and the experiences I had in my first alma mater will always be valuable.
I've been doing my blog and radio show for two years now and my twitter and Mixlr show for one year. The fanbase has been growing stronger by the months and I'm really grateful for the magicians for standing by me to this moment.
I'm taking Japanese just like I dreamed of and it went without a hitch. I'm taking an intermediate class this spring and currently applying for the Middlebury Language Program for the summer.
I have a new job in the library. I start next month so maintaining my blogs will be a whole lot easier.
The big thing is my blog, twitter, and Mixlr shows are coming from spaces of power - the identity I feel the most powerful in and the most superpowered. This blog, however, is my start and my grass roots. I don't know at this point, where this blog will take me, whether I'll be able to continue on with this one or preserve it as a college memory. However, just the fact that these memories are still up here is refreshing and it shows how far I've come.
Edited and reposted from my other blog, Mahou Kunoichi. Yeah... I don't have many words to describe what just happened. I really need a full 24 hours. And a workout. Possibly a 3 hour gaming session. Enjoy. - TM
Energy-wise I've been a bit low but so far the year's been pretty mellow. I love summer but it wasn't loving me back for a few weeks. I had massive mosquito bites on my arm then I had an intense heat rash on my neck. Both have cleared out thankfully. I also had wisdom tooth surgery (and I hope I don't have to go through that again anytime soon - it's miserable) and it felt like an eternity just to recover from everything. When you've been in good health for most of your life, having those sudden reactions to "small" things can get really annoying. But it's just great to get back to some sense of normalcy.
I am feeling a little better now. I really needed to vent and since my journal wasn't nearby, MbT was the next closest thing. It's very awkward being vulnerable and sometimes I'm tempted to delete last night's post and keep the image of the cheerful, peppy blogger who happens to be obsessed with film, video games, writing and Asian culture. But part of growing up is taking the bad with the good so I'm leaving it up.
Yes. I may be flawed in my opinions, even going so far as misphrasing them. I may be overly passionate about things to the point where I may become the next Otacon (+10 points for anyone who gets that reference). I may even get depressed or frustrated for a stretch of time. There are loads of times where I don't feel like writing out loud. I may not have achieved all I wanted to do right now and I may not have the courage to be daring and open.
It's okay to let it be.
Right now is all I have. The next day is a new day. Live it up even if it's just a small thing like trying a new latte at Starbucks. Do something terrifying. 90% of the time you won't regret it. 65% of that 90 may feel something like regret in the first few days but then goes out the window when the Universe cues you to give yourself some credit and validation. Often the last person we get validation from is ourselves. Start doing that today.
Yesterday's post was cathartic. Today it was terrifying looking back. But from now on, it's sweet relief.
It is pretty great to embrace your flaw-some shadow. :)
Have you ever felt like you were in a constant state of stagnation in terms of things you've always wanted to do?
Believe me, I'm certainly feeling it now. It's summer vacation of my 21st year of life. My birthday's in less than two weeks. Though I've been keeping busy with writing (in my journal > my books) and reading the bucket list novels, I always have the feeling that I should be doing something more in my life.
I know I'm only 21 and as I said with the being-21 and the 21 things I'm grateful for posts, I'm not going to have all the answers. In some ways it's a good thing - you have less guilt of acting the opposite direction. However, even with the "progress" I have been making skills-wise, there's nothing complete.
Long story short - I'm a bunch of nerves and hesitation in the "lean-in" generation and environment. I wouldn't be surprised if I were called crazy or an underachiever. It makes me even question whether I can even claim the titles artist and writer considering how shy I've been.
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